brothercyst: KNOCK KNOCK

Friday, July 23, 2010


So this morning I'm about to leave to go swimming for a bit and I'm putting on sunscreen when there's a knock on the door.  I think it's the UPS or FedEx guy coming to pick up a package (although it's a little weird, because before the knock, I hear the doorknob turn... it's locked, of course) so I open the door and there are some cops there.  A very cordial young policewoman and her partner.

Policewoman: "What's your name?"

Me: "Nick."

Policewoman: "Do you live here?"

Me: "Yes."

Policewoman: "Really?"

Me: "Yes, I'm subletting."

Policewoman: "Is there anyone else in the apartment with you?"

Me: "No.  Is everything okay?"

Policewoman: "We just got a call.  We just have to check it out.  Do you have anything on you that I should know about?"

Me: "No. [I'm shirtless, still rubbing sunscreen into my arms as the conversation proceeds.] Check what out?"

Policewoman: "Do you mind if we take a look around?"

Me: (thinking: Is there anything I wouldn't want a suspicious cop to see?  I know I don't have any drugs, but is there anything that could be misconstrued/problematic, anything like that?)  "Kind of, yeah.  For what reason?"

Policewoman: "We got a call about somebody.  We have to check it out."

More police officers show up behind her.  Sensing that this is not actually about me, and that the cordiality is going to disappear if I refuse them entry, and pretty sure there's nothing problematic lying around in my apartment, I agree to let them take a look around (although legally this is asking for trouble and you should never do it!) but refuse to step into the hall when they ask me to.  The policewoman wanders about the apartment, which is very small, and returns to the door, still very cordial.

Policewoman: "Okay, sorry.  We just had to check."

Me: "On what?"

Policewoman: "The guy who owns the apartment, his friend back east was worried about him."

Me: "Okay... can you tell him his friend's been in Colombia for the last three months?"

Policewoman: "We'll tell him."



Ken Baumann said...

Los Angeles is WAR.


Policewoman: "Do you mind if we take a look around?"

ME: Sure, if you show me a search warrant, otherwise you can fuck right off, PIG!